On Fate and Tomorrows, 2018

There's been no shortage of tomorrows in your life. 

Those distant illuminated days when when happens. 

Tomorrows in snow and tomorrows surrounded by bamboo and tomorrows filled with promises of more or less.

Some tomorrows are left behind, forgotten.

Others need to be walked away from or snuck away from, 

so that they won't follow you home.

When selecting this tomorrow you peered at it closely before grasping it with both hands and holding it close. 

Like flint hitting stone, a flash of recognition.

No, all of that is true. But when creating this tomorrow Fate had her fingers crossed behind her back. 

This tomorrow was hiding a flaw. A tiny crack that let out the truth of life and all her fury.

And you plead with Fate, "Let me choose again! I'll take less! I'll take more! I'll take anything but this!"

And Fate goes on humming and every now and again peers out to the garden to watch the wildflowers grow.

It's the feeling that begins as an intuition. The sense of knowing swells and swallows you whole. You're surrounded by it. Instantaneously it's a snapshot of feeling, of touch, smell, that will stay in your blood. The feeling that this moment is more significant than any before or after. This, this feeling right now fills you with a sweet sadness, a sorrow, a miracle of awareness. This moment, it is this moment that you are going to miss. It's this moment that you'll think back to in 10 years and wish you were there again. You'll ache to be then again, experiencing it all over again. It's the moment he made you laugh and you looked into his eyes and knew. It's the moment you broke out of the clouds and finally saw the big blue sky. It's the moment you stood on the corner in that big, bad city and thought "Here I am world." It's the moment you sat on the counter in your kitchen and knew you would never be this single, this independent, this confident again and you should never fucking take this for granted because when you're married and saddled with children you're going to remember sitting on that counter watching that water boil. You're going to fucking miss this. This moment is so precious. This moment is sacred and you already miss it. You are in it now and it  is so deeply significant that it hits your core. It holds you in awe. And then it is gone.